Things to Know When You Decide to End Therapy
It is normal to have mixed emotions about ending therapy. The therapeutic relationship can feel complicated. We learn to trust another person with our most vulnerable selves. And yet, it’s a professional relationship- you enter it intending to leave. You start the process, knowing that it eventually ends.
This particular blog started with a bulleted list of things to keep in mind when one decides to end therapy. But while writing it I found the passages choppy and not “reading” well. After the 3rd draft I realized why I was having difficulty. While a bulleted list of some type is readable and easy to follow, it cannot convey emotional states. A bulleted list doesn’t get to the essence of what is really involved.
Closure (or endings), according to Oxford Languages is “an act or process of closing something.” “Irish goodbyes” and “ghosting” are familiar endings and in our culture are often joked about. But neither are an “act” or a “process.” They are more of a reaction to leaving a situation.
Endings bring up grief feelings, which include; anger, bargaining, denial, sadness and acceptance. And often, because we have not had favorable past experiences with endings, there is a tendency to avoid the process involved and instead just react. Once you get clear about why you are stopping, make sure to discuss with your therapist. Allow this goodbye to be a “process” and not a “ghosting.”
A few practical things to remember…
There are a few practical things to keep in mind also. Before you decide to end therapy for good, consider reducing your visits to once or twice/month. During this process you might find out you miss the deeper work therapy allows for, and you miss connecting with your therapist. But you also might find you feel ok and are integrating your new awarenesses and skills into your life with ease. Either reaction is a fine one to have. Give yourself permission to make the choice that feels right to you at the time. Hopefully however, you have already learned this is in therapy and didn’t need this reminder :).
“And the Day Came When the Risk to Remain Tight In a Bud Was More Painful Than the Risk It Took to Blossom.” – Anais Nin
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